Recovering

My Mama's surgery went well and she is at the hospital recovering...the doctor said he got all of the cancer. Here's praying he's right. As I sat in that waiting room today all I can say is...well, I don't know what to say. Exhaustion probably played a big part in my day, I slept very bad last night and we had to get up at 3:30 am. Let me walk you thru the day.

We got to the surgery pavilion at 5:10; they were not even open yet. At 5:20 the doors were opened and we walked in to wait. They took her back for pre-op at around 5:40. Not long after that a gentleman from the prayer group at my brother's church came over. Please DO NOT get me wrong. I really appreciated his thoughtfulness in wanting to come and offer comfort and support to the family and to offer his prayers. It is a great ministry and I admire it. However, my brother was not there - we had decided he would take off tomorrow and I would take watch today. I am not an overly chatty person when I first meet people, I'm very quiet and well just not social so him being there made me feel extremely awkward. What do I talk to him about? Do I have to talk to him? You probably can't imagine, but it was awkward....

I was then allowed to go see my mother after they had done all of the pre-op. My husband decided to stay in the waiting room to visit with our guest. I think he knew I needed a moment of freedom; bless him. Mama was completely lucid, though she was getting a bit droopy from the drugs. Her reaction to out guest? "Don't bring him back here." "I told Donald (my brother) there was no sense in them coming, I'm going to be asleep." "Tell Donald to come keep them company"...she is my mama and like me she tells it like it is. So, I called my brother at 6:20 in the morning and his wife answered...she had a sick child, but I basically told her that I have no idea what to talk to his friends about. I had no idea if he was coming or not because she had to let me go Aimie was throwing up. Poor kid.

So then I go back out and the guest has gone to get coffee, Mama has been rolled back and I'm starved. We waited for him for a few minutes and then me being in the extremely good mood I was in **sarcasm** decided I was going to Waffle House and I wasn't worried about the guest. So I gave my cell phone # to the wonderful receptionists (she really was great) and we went out to breakfast.

By time we came back 45 min later I was in a slighly better mood, though not much. We sit down and I begin reading my book, which I bought specifically to enjoy while waiting and low and behold here is my brother. By this time the guest had disappeared so I felt guilty for calling him, especially since he dragged the sick kid with him. However, my guilt quickly subsides when 2 more of his prayer buddies showed up. Once again I am not saying there ministry is not a good one or that it was not done with a loving caring heart, but I just wanted to read and / or knit and be left alone. Donald started talking to them and I tried to continue reading but it was no use I would inevitably be asked a question so I put the book down and began knitting on my shawl. I got alot of it done and the time passed quickly with the conversation buzzing around me...

Then about 10:30 they came to tell me she was in recovery and that they had gotten all of the cancer. Donald and his friends left - Donald with the promise that he would come back tonight and Jack and I continued to wait. We then went and asked the nurse how long she would be in recover and was told it would be well over an hour. So off to lunch we went.

On the way to lunch a client of my current company on my husbands cell phone! My first reaction was what in the Hell is this woman tracking me down for, what nerve and all to check on a quote that anyone in our office could have easily checked on. I told her I couldn't help and that I was at a hospital, after which time I called and asked Wendy who gave her my husbands cell and why? Wendy said no one - Wendy said she had not even asked to speak to anyone else. Oh, the nerve of that woman was my thought - I asked Wendy to take care of her. Then I asked Jack how in the hell she could have gotten his cell....apparently our phone here at the house was down and all calls are automatically forwarded to his cell in that case. This made me really glad I hadn't cussed her out - like I was tempted to. I don't mind them calling me at home, but as I said emotions were running high today and it didn't take much to make me snap...anyway I called work and explained how she had gotten me, I didn't want anyone to get on to her and we went to eat lunch, which was really good by the way.

After lunch we were told to go to the heart center, apparently that is where the monitor surgery patients for the first night after surgery. It is one step down from an ICU would be the only way I can describe it. We are allowed to see her from 10-11, 1 to 2, 5 to 6 and 8 to 9. By time we got back it was 1:15 and she was doing well or so they said. She was alert and talking, though very groggy and desperately wanting to go to sleep. She was exceptionally pale, this from a woman who is normally as red as a coke can and she was cold...I mean ice cold. I know it's just side effects from going under for the surgery, but the fear - the helplessness I felt at that moment was more than I had felt all day. Her best friend and her daughter (basically my sister) showed up shortly thereafter and since only 2 at a time are allowed in Jack and I left for a few and went back to the waiting area. Right before time was up I went and kissed her good bye and told her I would be back tomorrow. She said ok and for me to go home, she was going to sleep.

Donald isn't going tomorrow to stay the day, apparently his day job which lets him off to do everything else in the world won't let him off to visit his mother in the hospital...I know I'm harsh, but shit. So, I'm taking tomorrow off - does she need me there? probably not, but I don't want her in the hospital by herself, besides the room she was in is just temporary so I couldn't even leave her cloths. I'm hoping they will get her moved into a regular room soon tomorrow so I can sit with her all day. Knowing us she will be sleeping and I will be knitting/reading or napping,but I will be there. I guess that counts for something.

please keep praying - please if you do smoke - STOP - please keep your loved ones close to you tonight and be grateful for the time you have - please be grateful for what the Lord has given you I know there are times when it's tough, when things seem to be going all wrong, but remember he never gives you more than you can bear and he is there to help you thru the darkness all you have to do is take his hand - please sleep well and be at peace.