January 2, 2014
A New Year – One with no written pages, undefined road maps and unspoken possibility. Where will I go, who will I become? To have these answers would be as if I were God and I’m not. I’m merely a wondering soul in search of a purpose – a destination.
There are those that say focus on the journey, focus on your spiritual relationship with God and all else will be as it is meant. I’m not sure how to do that or if I even want to. God made me. He created my face, my body, my soul and my personality. He made me. He made me a planner, a methodical yet impatient person, he made me. While I know that trusting him is paramount, I also know he made me to be me.
So I sit in my office on this first work day of 2014 and I look forward. I may have three hours of actual work to fill my eight hour day and this makes me listless, anxious and determined. Determined to change – the question is how do I change & what do I change?
Do I change careers or jobs?
Do I change what defines me?
Do I change my passions – or more accurately do I find a passion, for if the truth is known I have none.
So what does 2014 bring? What does it have in store? I don’t know – I don’t even really know what I want it to have in store and that I believe is the true crux of the issue. So I’ll make a list here of things I hope it holds – things that are on my mind. I won’t call them resolutions for I really don’t know if they are my thoughts / wants or just things I think I should want because society/church/culture says I should…
- More Dedication at the Gym – 4 Days a week
- Make a decision on my career and take whatever steps necessary to make it happen
- Let go of the resentment
- Nag Jack Less – Communicate More
- Read/Study Bible More
- Pray More
- Be more open in my relationship with God – Learn to separate emotion and truth – Stop being afraid of the emotion
- Stop defining myself by what I do, but instead by who I am
- Do more – Whine less
- Realize I can do anything I want – from Construction, to programming – I can.
- Move forward – learning from the past without sitting in it
- Even out the emotional rollercoaster
- Do more than exist