Tonight I sit here - my eyes drooping, knowing I need to be in bed, but instead I sit here. Posting things, surfing the net and reflecting. Reflecting on what it is to be me.
I do this ever so often, quite often actually:
I reflect, reflct on what I want, where I am and why I am. I never come up with any answers, but I reflect.
I worry, worry we made the wrong decision to move here, worry I'm not being supportive enough, worry that I am not being optomistic enough, worry that we made the right decision to move here and I'm just not letting go to my old life.
I want, want the house to be something I'm proud of, want a job I enjoy, want friends to go and do with, want to not have to work at all, want a child.
I slack, slack on doing the projects in the house, slack on my prayer life, slack on doing anything fitness related, I slack.
I appreciate, appreciate a husband that loves me, I appreciate a husband that puts up with me even if he doesn't necessarily get me, I appreciate a mother that supports me, I appreciate the roof over my head, I appreciate the food in my belly, I appreciate the right I have to sit here in my pjs thanks to those who have gone before, I appreciate.
I wish, wish I was more of a doer, wish I had more drive than I had dreams, wish I didn't want so much, wish I had it all, I wish I was anyone but me.
And with that I'll go to bed - my reflections are getting deep, which means I'm more tired than I originally believed. So good night dear void - til next time.
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