Restless

It's 1:30 AM and I was laying in bed failing to fall asleep my mind was racing. Racing with plans, thoughts, dreams, hopes, failures, prayers and etc... So I figures I would get up and put some of those thoughts down... hoping it would empty my mind so the sleep I need will come.

Do you find it odd that life / moods / dreams come in spurts? There are days I could care less about anything - the thought of completing another day is daunting and then there are times where I can do anything. I guess it's part of being human, part of being a woman and well just me. I've been this way all my life - the roll-a-coaster of feelings / dedication / will power.

Right now I'm in plan mode. I'm in clean mode. I'm in organize mode. I'm in list mode. I'm also for the first time in my life getting serious about my health. I'm getting serious about getting into shape (started our workouts at the Y today). I'm getting serious about the food we put in our bodies. I Will have to relearn how to cook, but we are going to start eating better around here.

In addition to that I'm planning things in the house again. I had dropped into a state of melancholy where I didn't care if burned to the ground, but I'm getting back to wanting to decorate/organize etc... Slowly, but it's coming.

I'm also getting well. I got sick on the 30th of December and was out of work for over 5 days (7 total, but 2 were due Ice and boy was I glad for the ice). Today is the first day I've felt really human again. The Dr said it would take a few weeks before I was 100% but I'm done. I'm done being sick and getting sick so much. I'm hoping/praying this new found wellness kick will help. I'm hoping and praying it isn't' a kick but a new lifestyle. I'm determined to not call it a resolution as well I didn't start it on new years and I want it to be life long so there... It is a lifelong change that started today!

Work is work and I hate it. But am grateful for the job right now with two house payments. I think once Madison Green Sales I'm taking some time off - it still up in the air but I think I'm going to take some time to find me. I know that sounds odd, but I've been working since I was 15 - I worked full time during both degrees and fell into my career. It's a good one that has taken care of me, but I never took that self discovery time that most take in college. The time to figure out who you are and what you want to be. And the Lord willing I'm going to take it in the next few years... I'm going to find myself and I'm going to love her.

My husband is great. I looked at him tonight and realized that I am the most lucky woman alive. He understands me, gets that I am a roll-a-coaster and loves me regardless. He hugs me when I'm sad, stays away from me when I need him to and is always trying to help me find my happy place, where ever that is. He is giving and loving - while being hard as nails when he needs to be. God knew what he was doing when he put these two opposites together - I couldn't survive with anyone else.

And with that sappy step I'm going to stop and start writing my list on paper of the things I want to get done this weekend. Thanks for letting me send this out into the void, if you read it forgive the random nature of it and know I love the fact you took the time to let me share this piece of myself with you. God bless you and your family in this new year.

Love your cyber friend,

Mylerna