1:15 AM

I'm normally in bed by 10 to 11 pm, at least lately. Yet here I am at 1:15 wide awake wishing I could go to sleep. Why you ask? Simply, I think, I drink coffee about 10:30. Why would I do such a thing you ask? Well, because coffee normally doesn't affect me at all. My Mamaw started me drinking coffee at 3 and for most of my life it, nor any caffeine really, has affected me at all. Yet, tonight I find myself laying there restless. This restlessness is causing my mind to wonder and think about things I'd rather not think about.

For example, Jack is out of town all next week. I've never stayed in this house completely by myself before. I'm not sure I'll do. I was laying there thinking and thought what if I fall down the stairs... will they find me a week later? Will this happen, no, but it's what I had going thru my mind. Pleasant thoughts I know.... Dang coffee :)

Well, I'm off to try and find some snooze - I need snooze I worked my butt off today cleaning this house. The bedroom, office and master bath still need a lot of work but the rest of the house is spotless (even the base baseboards).

Sleep well blogland!

Today & Everyday

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be someone else? Yes, I know we've all wondered what it's like to be a celebrity but that is not what I mean. I mean do you ever wonder what it's like to be your friend down the street, or your waitress at lunch or the guy bagging your groceries.

I realized today that I can come across to others as having a slightly aggressive, better than thou attitude. Which in reality could not be farther from the truth. I'm actually very shy, I don't start conversations with people I don't know because I don't really know how. So I smile and keep my mouth shut. I work hard and try to be good at my job, and yes I get aggravated when I'm overly criticized or when someone is being an idiot at theirs, but that's not aggressive just nature. I try to be nice to everyone. I'm also paranoid that people don't like me and that they talk about me behind my back. Probably not the case 99% of the time but this is my fear.

Where is this post going??? Well, I'm not sure. But all of this thinking made me think...

What is it like to be that person - to live their life - to see me thru their eyes. Quite an eye-opener if you think about it. Would you give the grocery guy the hurry up attitude if you knew he was being paid $5.15, was sick as a dog, had a kid at home and just really wanted to get thru his day? Wouldn't you be nice and try to make his day better if you knew this? I would, at least I hope I would.

Ok, so there you have it a page of rambling. I'm going for a walk and see if I can't get some focus. Life is good and I'm happy - Everything else is mute.

Long Time I Know

Yes, this post is well overdue but to be honest I don't have a ton to talk about. Life is trucking along without much excitement but I'm content. I'm enjoying my freedom from school and trying to relax. My new job is wonderful and I looked at the salary ranges today and found out that I'm in the top 2% of those with my title soooo I'm doing good. Really good actually.

I know I don't blog much anymore but I don't sit up here at the computer and thus the blogging has slowed. I need to get back to my hobbies (knitting, pictures, scrapbooks) but there is time later - right now I'm enjoying just being. It's a great feeling. I wish you all contentment and happiness in your life.

Until next time,

Mylerna

American Idol

Ok, so I'm addicted to American Idol and Nashville Star (which ends tonight). I know it's kinda lame to like it so much but ah well.

That being said I have to say - "WHAT THE HECK IS AMERICA THINKING?" How did Sanjia make it thru to next week???? Please God why do I have to hear him sing again? I mean come on he is like a freaky baby Michael Jackson. Except Sanjia can't sing and Michael could! I mean come on - did every Mom think awe I'll vote for him so he will at least get one vote and that sympathy voting kept him in??? Ugh - I just can't believe it. I don't think I would have voted for AJ as he is not my favorite, but he was miles better than Sanjia. Ugh... well enough of that! Just had to share my outrage!

Have fun everyone - I'm off to see who wins Nashville Star. I'm sure all of the final 3 will get record deals; I'd pay to see any of them perform. But my favorite is Angela Hacker with her brother coming in a close second. She is just the embodiment of what I who I see as Country Music and I hope she stays true to the art that is Country.

Refreshing Dose

WoW - Life is good! Do you ever sit back and think about just how good your life is? I know we have our ups and downs; our good days and our bad days, but in general life is good! My life is good and here are just a few reasons why:

1. I have a job I love - yes you heard me I love my job. It is challenging and I'm learning new stuff daily. I work with an incredible bunch of people and frankly I'm having fun. I went out for drinks with my account executive tonight (the lady I work directly for, but is not really my 'boss') and I had so much fun. I thought I had been there about 45 minutes; it had been almost 2 hours. Luckily I have a husband that is understanding ...
2. I have a husband that is ... well he's just my match. He understands me, appreciates me and loves me for who I am. I hear about other husbands, boyfriends, sig others and think yea I got a good one. Don't get me wrong we have our ups and downs and he has faults just like I do but he's good to me and good for me.
3. I have a home that while not perfect keeps us warm and has potential to be something really special. I didn't think the money was going to work our for me to do any of the yard work I wanted done (deck, sunroom, 2 retaining walls, landscaping and etc...) and most of it will have to wait, but the tax money was more than we planned so I'm going to be able to at least get my god awful front deck redone :) woot - woot!
4. My mother is my best friend. I don't really have to many girlfriends (only three really) so to have her to talk to, lean on and have in my life is really important. She is the one I call when I'm happy, when I'm sad and when I need someone to kick me in the ass; she is my rock and I love her.

There are so many more reasons life is good for me, but it's getting late so I'll leave them for another night. Here's hoping you take a moment to appreciate the goodness in your life today and remember that no matter how hard life gets there is always something to be grateful for. And when you see that one thing that you can say, 'yeah, that's good' everything else won't seem quite so bad.

Freedom - Now What?

This was my first weekend without school hanging over my head and let me just say it felt good. It felt good to watch tv without worrying about what I should have been doing, it felt good to go to the movies, play a game and generally be with my husband without having something to do. Now, the question is what do I do with my time? My first thought is to take care of the cloths, clean this house up and re devote myself to my hobbies :)

Speaking of hobbies Jack and I have started playing a new online game "Vanguard" It's fun - much like EQII...some of my gaming guild are playing it and it's good to be back playing with them. My only problem is that I don't want this game to become my life like EQ II was. I started playing at 11 today and before I knew it was 3 and a good chunk of my Sunday was gone. Yes, I had fun but.... Heck I don't know the answer. I had fun so what if it takes time... Something to think about.

Well, back to work tomorrow. Have a good day everyone.

Did U Miss Me?

Did you miss me? Well, I'm back and DONE YES DONE with my MBA! Can you believe it? Well, I can't but dang it I'm so excited to be done...

On another note it's V-Day. Yes, it's a holiday created by Hallmark but hey what can I say I'm apparently a consumer. Jack and I discussed it last night and virtually decided; nah we're not going to do anything. Nothing was formally said but that was what I walked away with. So this morning I wake up to flowers, candy and 2 great Vday cards (he couldn't choose).... He's such a sweetie.

So what did I get him? Let's just say he has a card, some candy and a few "I Owe Yous" that should be fun :)

Well, that is my post for today - you may now return to your regularly scheduled program!

Organ Donation

Ok, so I know it's not a pleasant subject and probably not one you were prepared to hear about on my blog, but.... A guy I went to high school with has recently underwent a liver transplant. I really don't understand much about why he needed the transplant other than it was a rare condition, however I do know this - his quality of life and the fact that he will be with us for years to come is thanks to the fact that some soul our there was kind enough to be an organ donor. I mean come on are you really going to need them when you are gone? (I know unpleasant to think about but you really should)! If you are not an organ donor please consider becoming one and if you are one already be sure and make sure your family knows your wishes; it's ultimately their call in, at least in the state of GA.

Check out Josh's blog for more details: http://joshcarpenter.blogspot.com/

YES!!!! One Down!

Yes! I actually completed a goal! My group assignment is done and my 8 page paper was turned in.... now prepare yourselves... turned in on time!

Still have pretty much an assignment a day to do, but I'm celebrating the accomplishment! It's a start!

Night guys :)

Hi

Hi blogland! How are you this evening?

Why, I'm fine - thank you for asking :)

Seriously, sorry I've been so distant from my blog. Unfortunately until 2/9; I will probably be a scarce blogger. I have 10 assignments to complete between now and then! Yep you heard me 10. Who's fault is that you ask? Why you are sweet- you pretended to forget the fact that I'm a lazy bummm. How sweet!

Will I get all 10 done? Probably not; I'm going to pick and choose and complete enough to make a B. Sad I know, but frankly Scarlet I don't give a damn.

Maybe when this MBA is done I can get back to enjoying the pleasures in life. I haven't messed with my pictures in months; haven't knitted since the beginning of December and haven't really done anything. I have watched TV, but I should have been working on homework. I don't know I find it difficult to do anything other than watch TV when I have a ton of homework hanging over my head; everything else seems like work too... Stupid I know.

Well, I have to finish this paper.... Pray I pull this off! I'll try to post again soon.

Your Comment - Janine

Janine - thank you so much for the comment! I can not tell you what your words meant to me... my faith over the past few years has become less noticeable and sometimes I'm so sorry for that and at other times I worry that I was too over the top way back then. I can find the words to go into where I stand in my faith right now because I'm not sure I know - however your words meant so much to me! May God Bless you in your endeavors and I hope to hear from you soon.

For those of you in blog land wondering what in the heck we are talking about - I was a very religious person in high school. I was an officer in our high school Christan clubs, I was at church every times the doors were open and I was exceptionally vocal about my beliefs. Now, I've taken a few steps back. I still believe with all of my heart and soul that Jesus Christ came to this earth for to suffer and die so that we may live in heaven with him. I believe that there is a heaven and a hell and I believe that you only have to believe in his grace and trust in his love to enter that domain.

With that grace and trust comes a lifestyle that if you truly love and walk with Jesus you will want to live; because my walk has become quite Rocky in the past few years I'm afraid my lifestyle does not reflect my religious beliefs. The distance I have put between myself and the cross has given me room for unhealthy questions and and a rather foul mouth that many of you have witnessed here.

Janine, thank you for bringing this back fresh to my memory. My husband and I have been discussing religion off and on for the past few weeks; maybe your prayers and thoughts of me were because the Lord knew that I was struggling with questions.

Such a large part of me wants to find a church and get back to walking in his presence daily; but another part of me is scared - of what I'm not sure. Maybe it isn't fear as much as it is not wanting to go back to being "the Christan girl" but what's wrong with that? Just because I'm Christan doesn't mean I cant' go dancing with my husband or have a good time with my friends; heck I don't even drink except for once or twice a year (hardly the excess it speaks of in the Bible). So why am I dragging my feet... Maybe it's time I spent more time talking to the good Lord and less time reading my romance novels.

Sorry for the religions rant/self analysis/questions, but it feels good to write this down! To put my thoughts into coherent sentences helps me to see where I want to go. May the Lord bless you with each with a restful sleep and a wonderful Wednesday!

P.S. I did email Josh my contact information - I can't wait to hear more about what your up to.. What do you teach? :)

I'm Still Here

Wow! It's been a long time since I've blogged; I've even been slacking on the reading of blogs. I know horror!

For the few who have emailed - I appreciate your concern. I'm doing fine... just trucking along. I'm behind in my class already, but hey what else is new? Good news though - if I can make it thru 2/14 and pass then I'm done!!! yep you heard me done as in MBA GRADUATE!

I owe my sp a big apology. She sent me this gorgeous pink yarn and strawberry candy straws and I haven't been able to log in to say thank you. The straws were gone in a night; I love those things and the yarn is waiting on my next brainstorm :) I do really appreciate the gift; I just haven't blogged. I used to catch you all up during lunch, but my new employer has blogger blocked; as well as gmail so there is no email or blogging for me unless I'm at home. And well... my computer means school/finances/work and I've been avoiding it and watching the tv instead :) lol

BTW my hair is REALLY short now; I'll have to post pictures soon.

Well, my life is pretty boring right now so I'll chat with you all later. Here's hoping your new years are continuing with blessings a many.

2007

Hello 2007! To be honest I wasn't prepared for your visit; I mean just last week it was June of 06 and I was enjoying the warm weather. But here you are, 2007! Wow! What will you hold for me I wonder? What will I accomplish in you? The answer is yet to be told, but I know what I would like to do (or some of it)... Shall we discuss?

1) Exercise more - I know I said I was going to do this during 2006's visit but now I shall try again
2) GRADUATE with my MBA
3) Grow in my relationship with my husband
4) Become more social - Make new friends - Nurture and grow my relationships with old ones
5) Become more self sufficient - Learn More - Enjoy learning for the sake of learning
6) Complain Less - Appreciate More

Well, 2007 we shall see what you hold for me and my family. Here's hoping / praying it's a pleasant ride.

Long Time - No Post

Sorry, It's been a while since my last post. Life is good here - I have a sense of fulfillment and contentment. I'm cherishing the feeling. Life around me is good and thus I am good. The rain can come, the winds can blow, the waves can crash and yet I will stand! I am strong and I am determined!

Geesh, upon further reviewing my self analysis I sound like a lighthouse, lol. Come on in Sailor :)

Ok, so enough of that gibberish. Life is seriously good and not for any one reason.

- My sis-in-law just got there first house! It is SOOOOOOO cute; it makes me want to burn mine to the ground and buy a new one :) No seriously it is adorable and so perfect for them. I'm so happy and hope they enjoy every square inch of it.

- My families Christmas went well this weekend. I cooked bunches and we are still eating on it! I think everyone had an ok time... no one ever has a GREAT time at these family things, but hopefully it wasn't completely boring. April came and joined us; she is a friend of mine from Athens. She is one of the nicest people I've ever met; and she is so adorable with her little VW Bug. I've never met such an independent person! You go girl! **P.S. We're trying to bring her into the knitting family -- Future Knitter She Shall Be :) **

- School is well ... BEHIND but I'm dedicated and will be caught up before the last day on Thursday! Ok so realistically it maybe Saturday before I'm completely caught up but dang it I will get'er done! After which classes are over until 1-7 and then on 2-13 I GRADUATE!!!! Yep you saw it the big G! I can't wait.

- Knitting is really on a stand still right now and for some reason I feel like that is something I should feel guilty about - why? It's just a hobby.... Who knows where my psychy comes up with shit.

Work is going well. I'm learning alot of new procedures and getting to know my team. One of the people that directs work my way is almost deaf... I'm trying to figure out how to communicate with her well. She is so sweet, I just need to learn to slow down when I talk and enuciate so she can read my lips.... I'll get it! But really things are going well. I got my first pay check on Friday :)

That's all my updates for tonight! I really hope all of you in blogland are enjoying your Christmas season! May you have dreams of snowmen and gingerbread :)

Lucky Me

Where does time go? One day it's Nov 1 and you have plenty of time for the Christmas rush and the next thing you know you have a gift exchange the upcoming weekend and you have zero, yep zero gifts prepared and a schedule that won't bend. It gets me every year; hell it's almost laughable.

This weekend my mother, one of my brothers, my God-mother and my friend I grew up with are at my house for dinner (yep full smeal w/ ham, dressing and deserts) and I have none of their gifts! NONE. My nieces/nephew are going to their grandmother's for Christmas and we are having a mini exchange for them tomorrow (I found out today), luckely I had both scarfs for them done and I'm only giving my nephew cash. It's funny I thought I had one done and hadn't started the other but when I opened my knitting bag the 2nd scarf was 75% done... lucky I tell ya, lucky. I'll take pics of them wearing them tomorrow and share :)

The new job is going well... It's only the 2nd day so I can't say much yet - the first week is always hell. Getting into a routine, meeting new people, always being 'on' ... But I'm excited and think I can learn alot!

My week is pretty slammed so if I don't blog you know why:

Tomorrow Night - Gift exchange in Dahlonega (1 1/2 hour away) w/ nieces & nephew
Thursday - NAIW dinner (must have $15 gift that I haven't bought and donation for family)
Friday - Assignment due, get ready for dinner party (no groceries in house and I have a huge Christmas dinner to cook)
Saturday - Cook, Cook & Cook some more then have fun w/ friends and family.

Sometime in this schedule I have to shop for Mama, Donald, Jean & Amanda......

Don't get me wrong though - I'm in high spirits! Things are going well and I'm content with my life. We are still discussing financing for all the home stuff we want to do and I'm waiting on a couple of quotes. Jack is enjoying his new position - he's stressing but enjoying the challenge - I just wish he got home a little sooner. Hey, I even cooked tonight - yes it was Hamburger Helper but it was something :)

Sleep well blogland - may you dream of happy moments and candy canes.

New Job

I start my new job tomorrow - wish me luck.

Amazing: The Boost

You know it's amazing how one night can turn your outlook around. I started working on homework around 2 pm this afternoon -yes much later than I should have, but all through this class I've been looking at my assignments and the first thing that popped into my mind whas "What the F__K" so I've really dragged my feet in the class. Well tonight my portion of the group assignment was due and I'm one to drag my feet when it only concerns me but when others are involved I do what I say I'm going to do! So here I go trying to figure out how to do a work breakdown structure on a project I know nothing about and I'm frustrated, I'm crying, and I'm stressed...

So I call my hubby at 4:30 and beg him to come home and help as he has expertise in the IT arena where this fictious project we are doing is focused, I email 2 or 3 of my group mates begging for a phone call and I begin to really sort thru the mess I have in front of me. Hubby then gets home at 6 and helps me to lay out the steps said process would take and the time lines - at this time I'm beginning to see hope. Then a group member calls and we talk for an hour or so; another group member calls and we talk for an hour or so. Now my time estimates are almost done and while I still need to do my individual write up I'm confident that I can pass this class. I'm confident that I can get caught up and pass and thus graduate in Feb. It's amazing what talking stuff out can do.

I know that to you this may not be a big deal but I was lost in this class and I still have no doubt it will be hard, but this was the kick in the ass I needed. I'm feel like a weight has be lifted and that I can breathe again! Wow! I just can't explain it....

Well, bed time for me as I have to get up in the morning and keep the ball rolling! WOOT! Maybe I'll get done in time to rocover my kitchen chairs :)

Lots to Do

Well, my feeling of doom and gloom is gone - thankfully! I still have a ton to do though! The dinner party for this weekend was cancelled so that's a good thing! I did manage to get the house (minus master bedroom/bath and office) cleaned, the tree is up and I've met with more contractors than Carter has liver pills. But things are coming together.

Now it's time to get serious on school. I have a portion of my group assignment due... well now, and several assignments that are late. Have no fear... If I can ever get started I'll have it done in no time.

Knitting is at a stand still and so are all other things crafty. I'm taking my hat to Melanies this weekend to get help with it (have to get in double pointed needles - horror).

Christmas shopping is partially done; I need to take inventory.

Other than that life is good. I start my new job on Monday and I'm a little nervous but that's to be expected. The pricing for the contractors is coming in and it's an ordeal but I think we're going to manage to get most everything we want :)

Well, I guess I better get started on school. I think I need to clean my desk off first though - bah!

Sigh

As i sit here and prepare to write this blog I find my self sighing. I'm not sure if it's a sign of relief, regret, or just a sigh. I do feel a little bit better from my last post but I'm not back to my normal giddy self. I still have a ton to do with little to no desire to do it and now Mama is here visiting for a couple of days so I have an excuse not to do it; good she's visiting but I need to get off my ass. I did get the living room and the upstairs cleaned. I need to straighten the office still but the floor has been vacuumed. What else neeeds to be done? Not that you really care but I'm going to list it out here for my own benefit as much as for your own boredom:

- Clean Dining Room
- Clean Kitchen
- Clean bedroom
- Clean bathroom
- 2 Discussion boards (3 if you include one due tomorrow)
- 1 project
- Put tree up
- Make menu for next weekend
- Shop for next weekend (food)
- Christmas shopping (make sure we at least have all the presents for those coming next week)
- Recover dining room chairs before next weekend
- I have several more appts w/ contractors next week: We are having alot of work done to house and I'm getting prices. Some of the work includes landscaping, new roof, exterior paint, gutters, deck, sunroom... I think that's all. Oh yea we have to have the fireplace fixed (stucco damage).

Well, I should work on school and I may or I may go downstairs and veg. Not sure yet. Have a good night everyone.

Rut

I'm in a rut; I'm mad at my husband for small reasons that I won't go into here and I'm ... Well hell I don't know what I am. My former employer decided that yesterday was my last day; which in the grand scheme of things isn't that big of deal but it upset my balance. I'm still behind in school - 2 assignments to be exact and I care without caring enough to work on it. The house is a disaster; stuff is everywhere, the floors need to be cleaned, the cloths need to be washed - I think my cats are even sick of it but I can't seem to find the desire to clean it. I mean I have the desire to have it clean I just can't get off my ass to do it. What is that? I would call it laziness - but after living inside my head, my heart, my soul I know I'm not lazy; it's something else - something that is almost tangible but not quite. I sit here and type this rambling mess of words as tears form in my eyes and my heart quietly breaks; why you ask? Why I ask? The question remains unanswered. I need coffee...